I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
