Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
