I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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