Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
