This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
