dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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