I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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