I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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