New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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