Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
