so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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