went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
