All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
