So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
