thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize