He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
