The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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