hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
