how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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