Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
