no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
