I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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