If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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