You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
