i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
