Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
