I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You've changed since you got that strap on
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
