I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
