My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
