In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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