woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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