That's intense
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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