How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
