Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
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He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize