3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
