the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
