Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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