he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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