i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
