I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
