He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
