just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
