My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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