I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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