did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
