I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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