the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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