Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
