Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
