My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
