They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
