I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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