I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
send nudes
from the living room?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
