I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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