good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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