GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
