he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
