As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
