And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
