I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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