Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
