Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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