Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
