I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize