If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
