Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
