apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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