I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So much rum. So many feels.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
