just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
