if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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