also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
