before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
