when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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