you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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