As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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