just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
